The past 1 week has been rather gruesome for me. My uncle went for operation on monday and since then till thursday, i have been travelling down to hospital every single day. My heart really aches to see both my uncle and auntie. Auntie is old and her legs are swollen, told me that she heard someone talking to her in the middle of the night (probably due to the stress given by the situation), yet has to travel to and fro to visit my uncle every single day.
I am really fearful for that day to come. I am really afraid that i can no longer compartmentalised my emotions and appear to be okay to the people around. No point you make everyone to worry with you and etc.
Can you pray along with us for my uncle? We really need a miracle. God, please move!
Ministry wise, oh well.I can sum it up that God is really testing and pruning me. I can feel the pain. Still believing that there will always be a rainbow after the rain. Please pray for me. Thanks!
Main exams are coming. I feel lost and helpless. HAIZ.
Actually, there are times that i wish to tell the people around that i am not as strong as you all think.
Filed under: Uncategorized
Today had service, once again, He spoke to me about His love, the kind of love that’s different from the world. Reaffirm the fact that He’s my first love and He will be forever. For free worship, i just can’t help to tell God “becos of you”. It’s so true, that becos of you:
1. i learn how to love people
2. forgive people
3. I did what i have done, is doing and will be doing
4. my life changes
5. the different arenas changes as well (e.g: family, studies)
6. i am simply still breathing and walking around
“Let my life be a love song, a never ending love song“
Filed under: lame
That was how i looked like 11 years ago….
11 years later?
Seriously, serve God la! You’ll be prettier. HAHAHHAHA.
February is indeed exciting and of course, of a special meaning as well. Just 1 more hour, it will be our 10th anniversary. It’s really a long long long journey.
Lover of my life,
This post is dedicated to you! I really can’t imagine the days without knowing you so personally and in such a tangible manner. As i look back at our relationship, you’re always the one who’s there when i needed someone listening to my rantings, those “emo” talk with you, those moments that you spoke right through my heart and life. Nothing can trade me off, this relationship i have with you.
It wasn’t a smooth sailing one for us, but thank you for staying through thick and thin with me, thanks for being faithful in your words, i know that even if the whole world fails me, you will never will. 10 years ago, i chose to know you through a friend of mine, got into this relationship with you, with a heart that just wanting to “try things out”, but since i know you, i can’t help but to fall deeper in love with you.
I grow up in a violent and incomplete (at least to me) family. There were broken relationship (especially with my brother) that i once thought that i couldn’t solve or improve in. But you made a way. You are the intermedaries that bridge the broken relationship, removing the dust in my eyes, and showing me different dimensions of their love they have for me. For now, we talk more and naturally. However, i need still need your help to continually work in my family so that they can come to know you as well.
Last year, was a hard-going year for me, thanks for helping me through my days of “depression”. You’re awesome by sending people around in my life to show their concern and love for me. If not, i will still be stucked in the “dark side” of my life.
Aiyo, i think if i were to continue typing, this will never end.
In summary, i just wanna say thank you for fulfilling and maximising the best in me through these years.
I will want to love you with all i have, all i am.
Thanks!
Cheng
Filed under: learnings, My happenings., Myself, school, Summation of my week
Now we are at the start of the second month of the year 2010. It’s freaking fast. Soon, i will be taking my prelims. I really can’t afford to fail any modules this semester. But seriously, i really CMI for POA, Maths and other modules that has figures. Becos another year would mean another lengthy process of borrowing money from bank and to graduate. Therefore, i got to start preparing soon. Prelims are as follows:
| 7/02/2010 | SAT | 10:00 | 12:00 | HQ | HALL4.03 | PUOLFT/AA-STAT1 | MCK | |
| 27/02/2010 | SAT | 14:15 | 16:15 | HQ | HALL4.03 | PUOLFT/AA-MATH1 | MCK | |
| 01/03/2010 | MON | 10:00 | 13:00 | HQ | HALL4.03 | PUOLFT/AA-ECONS | MCK | |
| 02/03/2010 | TUE | 10:00 | 13:15 | HQ | HALL4.03 | PUOLFT/AA-POA | MCK | |
| 02/03/2010 | TUE | 14:15 | 17:15 | HQ | HALL4.03 | PUOLFT/AA-ESAP | MCK | |
| 13/03/2010 | SAT | 10:00 | 13:00 | HQ | HALL4.03 | PUOLFT/AA-PMKG | MCK |
Yes, 2 Saturdays are gone because of my prelims. God, i need you and i want to go through this tough season with you.
What God spoke to me recently was the deeper meaning of the verse that most of us would have heard of or we would have read through as we read the Bible.
30Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’[a] – Mark 12:30
Since young, we were being taught that in order for us to have success over the things that we do, we’ve got to 用心, 用脑, 用力.
We’ve got to concentrate to do what we are given. I always remember that my mother always ask me to use my heart to listen to my teacher in class. When i am unsure of all the maths questions that exist, my cousin always force me to “use my brain”. When my aunt brings me to market when i was small, i just want to throw tantrum that i got no strength to help her to carry things, she would say “use my strength” (when i was helping her reluctantly). All these are great attributes that were inculcated in us that to do well in exams or CCA, we need to be use our heart, mind, strength. Then i began to ask God, then soul lei?
He revealed to me. 断魂 usually is used to describe people who met with an accident and his soul was gone (died). It’s so true that if we don’t love God with our heart (which means that we have other things in life that we may set it above God), don’t love God with all our soul (just doing all the physical work e.g.: purely working for the sake of working and not refreshed by God with our souls through daily QT, we will also 断魂 spiritually), don’t love God with our mind (we are not kingdom minded? Becos when you’re forcing your brain to think, you’ll think what are the decisions that you’ve got to make so as to please the One you love), lastly, don’t love God with your strength (you’re practically doing all the talking and not living it out). Love God –> Work it out with your strength.
Wow. Only when we engage in worshipping God with our heart, soul, mind and strength, there we will experience divine exchange with the Almighty.
Filed under: My happenings.
There are so many things that i want to do for God. I responded today that i want to trust Him more in all situations. But i just can’t help to feel what i am feeling right now. Today, we affirmed Fiona Leow, and Dennis prayed a prayer that she will soon be a SDL. Wow! Not that i am insecure or what. But the testimony she shared about the hunger her people wants to do for God is truly amazing. The question that i had in my head was “how come my people never tell me such things”? I can’t help to compare. Obviously i know it’s not right. And it’s a day after i revealed and set my new near resolutions. I just can’t help to be discouraged right now.
Why aren’t the lives of people growing and having breakthroughs?
Why are the people taking so long to rise up?
Why does it seems that we didn’t grow much?
I am serious about growing. How long more? I really really want to see breakthroughs, badly.
Filed under: Uncategorized
Exams are coming, prelims are also coming!!!!!!!! I think by then i will be botak cos my hair will fallen by then. Today is the 8th day of the new year, hope that it’s not too late to post or even set my new year resolutions.
2010_resolutions
I really pray that my uncle will be alright.
Christmas is over, camp is over!!!!!!!!!!
It marks the end of December, not just that, it also marks the end of the year 2009. I belong to the group of people who didn’t started the year well, and most probably, i didn’t end it well as well.
As the book of this year is drawing to a close in like less than 12 hours time, i still wanna thank God for His grace and love in my life. It may sound cliche. But these words are heart-felt words. Though 2009 wasn’t / isn’t the BEST year for me, but i guess i grow the most in this year.
Believe God really expand me in my thoughts life, my spiritual bargaining sessions with Him, the questions that i thought i knew how to answer when i was younger and found out that it isn’t so at the latter part. Serving God is like a journey like that. The more you spend your time and life with Him, the more you will discover, learn something new. I always hated mundane stuff, worse still, doing things that i don’t see the value or purpose in it. However, next year, it will mark the 10th anniversary with Him, i am rather amazed that i am still doing what i am or was doing 10 years ago, and where and who i am now that He brought me towards.
The greatest lesson that will mark 2009 that i have learnt, was the meaning of second chances. That was the incident whereby i crashed my brother’s car. The feeling of your closed one no longer trust you or is willing to give you that second chance is really tormenting. And this brought me unto another level of understanding that i should and cannot take God’s grace for granted. Many times, we just sin and repent, thinking that “aiya, God will give me second chance”. But the issue is not about how many second chances God will give you, but it’s a question, how many times do you want to break God’s heart? Cos we all know that God is love and He’s the second chance (s) giver.
I pray that this new year will be a new beginning, in my relationships, my studies and ministry. I know that it surely won’t be a bed of roses. I just pray that i will have the strength to go through it.
Filed under: Myself
December is going to be gone at a blink of my eyes. Many things awaits me to go through. Hmmm, till now, i still can’t come to terms that what is happening in my family clan. It makes me to really ponder “why like that?”, hoping that someone can enlighten me. First was my third auntie who broke the news last week to us that she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She’s someone who really doted on me when i was young, there were times that she and my third uncle will bring me out. I could still remember that once they brought me to a departmental store and asked me to pick anything that i want. That was the time i remembered. Cos no one has given me this liberty (financially and physically) to buy anything i like. Though as i grow up, i have lesser interaction with her, but i still love her. Upon hearing the news that she is having cancer, my spirit is still “i want to do something”, i told dennis about it and asked him to pray for my aunt, trusting that God will make this incident to be a blessing in disguise. I called my cousin immediately and discussed how we can bridge her closer to God (e..g.: healing service). I was still quite expectant to see how God is going to work as i continue to pray.
However, this week, my second auntie’s husband, who is very close to my heart was told by the doctor that his previous cancer cells has spread in his lungs. If you are really know me, you would know what are the fears in my life. Fears of not passing exams, parental persecution(in the past), fears to do something right, all these i know by God’s grace, He was the one who gave me the courage. But when the news of my uncle’s cancer cells have spread, it seems that i lost that courage to face it, or rather i lost the drive to do what i was supposed to do. I may seems okay. But i am not. I teared. My colleague felt something amiss yesterday when i was at work. However, i just continue to be the “normal” me so that i won’t have to share what’s going on.
What i did was to spend today to be filled with activities so that i won’t sink into another round of depression, i can’t go to school. I just came back from swimming.
Camp is coming. I want to be okay, but i really don’t know how.
Filed under: Uncategorized
I may not be the best person to do what You want me to do. I may not be in the best condition. But I just want to serve You with all that i can and how.
