February is indeed exciting and of course, of a special meaning as well. Just 1 more hour, it will be our 10th anniversary. It’s really a long long long journey.

Lover of my life,

This post is dedicated to you! I really can’t imagine the days without knowing you so personally and in such a tangible manner. As i look back at our relationship, you’re always the one who’s there when i needed someone listening to my rantings, those “emo” talk with you, those moments that you spoke right through my heart and life. Nothing can trade me off, this relationship i have with you.

It wasn’t a smooth sailing one for us, but thank you for staying through thick and thin with me, thanks for being faithful in your words, i know that even if the whole world fails me, you will never will. 10 years ago, i chose to know you through a friend of mine, got into this relationship with you, with a heart that just wanting to “try things out”, but since i know you, i can’t help but to fall deeper in love with you.

I grow up in a violent and incomplete (at least to me) family. There were broken relationship (especially with my brother) that i once thought that i couldn’t solve or improve in. But you made a way. You are the intermedaries that bridge the broken relationship, removing the dust in my eyes, and showing me different dimensions of their love they have for me. For now, we talk more and naturally. However, i need still need your help to continually work in my family so that they can come to know you as well.

Last year, was a hard-going year for me, thanks for helping me through my days of “depression”. You’re awesome by sending people around in my life to show their concern and love for me. If not, i will still be stucked in the “dark side” of my life.

Aiyo, i think if i were to continue typing, this will never end.

In summary, i just wanna say thank you for fulfilling and maximising the best in me through these years.

I will want to love you with all i have, all i am.

Thanks!

Cheng

I think i am at the phase where i need to confront myself some “hard questions”.

In sociology, the word itself refers to a study in social structures in our soicety where  the social institutions (e.g.: family, church, school etc) internalised values and norms in us, consciously or unconsciously in our lives and that affects our behaviours and personalities.

The “beliefs” that i have, are they truth or we agree simply becos “we were taught so”.

As i start to think and question certain things in my own walk with God, revisiting my values and beliefs, above all else, i know that i love God and i am truly grateful to Him for what He has done, or is doing. Loving God, the core of all is our relationship with Him, not the friends we worked with, not programmes, definitely not roles and responsibilities, environment. All these are good to have, but the most crucial of all, is to know that you’re growing to be more like Him.

Today i was feeling super uncomfortable today. But i have to deliver my promise to Meng that i would go down to TP in order to help her with her assignment. The “audio suite” in Mac is a very interesting programme. I enjoyed myself and i think Jacq has the same sentiments too. Thanks Jacq for staying back to hear what i’ve got to say about myself. Indeed, i told her that i was both physically, emotionally and spiritually overwhelmed by the sudden things that happened.

After sending Jacq to the bus stop, i made my way to visit a doc. And just as i was waiting for my turn, i was attracted by the “RARA-ness” of the carnival that was going on around the vicinity. As i walked closer and drew nearer to the crowd (where kids were placed inside a BIG balloon that floats on the water and they can roll up and down). Even as i watched them, there was a part in me that i could sense their happiness. Happiness in the sense… their child-likeness. They are just kids who seems to be “problem-free” and i somehow enjoy the process. Even if you were not involved in the games, but when the kids enjoyed, the atmosphere of happiness was so contagious that even the adults could feel it. I suddenly remembered a phrase which i came to know when i was studying Sociology.

“seeing the strange in familiar”. – Talcott Parsons

This is the process of detaching oneself from “familiar” individualistic interpretations of human behavior and the acceptance of the initially “strange” notion that behavior is a product of social forces. I think i was doing that at that very moment. I really want to detach myself from all the things that are happening and ask God for another interpretation of things.

On the other hand, i am having a fever…